Staying on Top When Your World's Upside Down
ArtsThe Great Divide – defining moments in adversity
“One of the things that comes out in myths… is that at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation. The black moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light.”
Joseph Campbell: The Power of Myth
In his studies of the classic myths (e.g. Beowulf), and their modern counterparts (e.g. Star Wars) Joseph Campbell shows that the story almost always follows a predictable trajectory. At one point the hero is severely tested: he falls off his horse, loses his sword, and is lying face down in the mud as the fire-breathing dragon hovers above him. But then, somehow, he miraculously finds a way to slay the dragon, remounts his horse, rescues the damsel in distress, and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
This is also, to quote the title of a book by my friend and business school professor Michael Ray, “the path of the everyday hero.” That means you and me. Adversity often creates defining moments in our lives, gives us the opportunity to be an everyday hero. The adversity might be one searing moment as in a car crash, or it might drag out over time, as in the failure of a business or a marriage. But as a result, we are forever changed. For the everyday hero (including you and me), that change can be positive and it can be permanent.
Here are some of the ways hitting one of life’s brick walls can serve as a Great Divide that marks a powerful change in our self-identity:
From victim to visionary: Victims are rooted in the past, their frame of reference defined by things that have happened to them or been done to them. Visionaries are rooted in the future, their frame of reference defined by their dreams and the work they can do to achieve them. You can be a victim or you can be a visionary, but you can’t be both.
From entitled to empowered: The entitled mindset expects someone else to do things for you because you deserve them; the empowered mindset knows that you must do the work yourself. No one can empower you but you, because loaned empowerment is not the real thing.
From complainer to contributor: Complainers whine about bad things that have happened to them, or about good things they think they deserve but that have not happened to them. Contributors focus their emotional energy on solving problems and helping others. The drunk who becomes an AA sponsor has made the transition from complainer to contributor – and been personally transformed in the process.
From greed to gratitude: One of the most remarkable, and paradoxical, ways that having their world turned upside down for some people is that their perspective changes from “what’s in it for me?” to “what can I do to share my blessings with others?” Adding to the paradox, people who make that mind shift are almost always happier.
From Midas to Appleseed: King Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold, and his wish was granted. He starved to death because you can’t eat gold. Johnny Appleseed devoted himself to planting trees that he himself would never see grow much less eat apples from. One of the things I’ve observed in my conversations with people who have survived significant adversity, and grown stronger as a result, is that they become more generous with both their time and their money.
From gardener to forester: Gardeners are focused on harvesting and consuming or selling the next crop; foresters are focused on nurturing the woods for future generations. Some of the most significant changes in the world have come about as a result of the work of people whose focus was on passing along a better world to their children and their children’s children.
From wishful to positive: Wishful thinking is hoping for something and waiting for someone else to make it happen for you. Positive thinking is expecting something and then doing the work to make it happen yourself. There’s nothing like getting knocked down by life to teach you the value of being a self-reliant positive thinker.
That which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger, Nietzsche famously said. It’s a paradox of adversity – by knocking you to your knees adversity will, if you survive it, help you stand taller on your feet. There will be life before and life after, and no going back. You cannot change what’s already happened – whether or not what comes next is positive and productive will be determined by you.
- Staying on Top When Your World's Upside Down
- Introduction
- The Laws of Adversity
- The Great Divide – defining moments in adversity
- Carve the statue of you
- The four ways to handle brick walls
- Embrace the 4 personal freedoms
- Get clear about your values
- Align your goals with your values
- Have the courage to pursue your highest goal
- Thank God Ahead of Time (TGAoT) for whatever happens
- Use adversity as a platform for change
- Fear of failure is really fear of humiliation
- Congratulate yourself on being rejected and on failing
- You must overcome your fear of success
- Leadership is most important when the world is upside down
- The flip side of love is loss
- In grief seek comfort - and give comfort
- Imagine your organization as a support group
- Grieve – then move on
- There’s no such thing as false hope
- Practice a healthy humility
- Go off alone somewhere
- In the trials of adversity work on character strength
- Identify the problem behind the problem
- Change your questions
- Make the most of midlife crisis
- Stop doing what isn’t working and try something new
- When you put the pieces back together make the vessel stronger
- Stop thinking about yourself
- Stop ruminating
- Train your doubt
- When one door closes, push open another
- Ignore the nattering nabobs of negativity
- Utilize your gifts
- Hang tough!
- Don’t give in to apparent failure in the middle
- Rescue your failures
- There is no free lunch
- Raise your expectations
- Live into your potential
- You don’t need OPA
- Use DDQs to redirect your actions
- Use EDQs to redirect your moods
- Do good for others
- Practice Rafe’s Law
- Work until your mission is finished
- Bigger problems = better life
- The difference between courageous and crazy is often
- Escape prisons you’ve made yourself
- It’s not personal, permanent or pervasive
- Develop emotional power
- Get real by integrating ego and soul
- Do something!
- Get more sleep and practice Neuro-Attitudinal
- Practice strategic laziness
- Break your addiction to negative thinking
- Transform negative self-talk into positive affirmation
- Erase the graffiti of negative self-talk
- Pay attention to the metaphors by which you create your perception of reality
- Direct your dreams in a positive way
- Interpret dreams to your benefit
- Distinguish between problems and predicaments
- Create rituals
- Playing it safe can be a dangerous game
- Use the 6-A Formula to Create Memories of the Future
- Face the granddaddy of all fears
- Ignore the chatter of the world
- Stop whining
- The Pickle Pledge – a simple promise that will change your life
- Take The Pickle Challenge
- Build up your stamina
- Don’t pick fights you don’t need
- The steepest hills are in your mind
- Turn off the tragi-tainment
- Build upon The Pyramid of Self-Belief
- Act confident to earn confidence
- Stop waiting for someone else to “empower” you
- Take to heart The Self-Empowerment Pledge
- Monday’s Promise: Responsibility
- Tuesday’s Promise: Accountability
- Wednesday’s Promise: Determination
- Thursday’s Promise: Contribution
- Friday’s Promise: Resilience
- Saturday’s Promise: Perspective
- Sunday’s Promise: Faith
- Keep a personal journal
- Pay attention to the patterns in your life
- Overcome your own laziness
- Transform despair into determination
- Enthusiasm is the master value
- Stop awfulizing
- Adopt the Nedlog Rule
- Practice mutuality
- Say Yes to what matters by saying No to what doesn’t
- Write a poem
- Train your brain
- Replace anguish with hope
- Combine ignorant bliss with unearned confidence
- You can be a victim or a visionary but not both
- Work fast
- Caring is the root of courage
- See the world as it really is
- Fear can make you stupid
- Maintain your momentum
- The most important choice you ever make
- Illuminate the darkness
- Get out of stuck
- You cannot change the past but you can rewrite your memory of it
- Turn bad news into the best thing ever
- Write your own horoscope – a Youroscope
- Don’t hit the brakes when you hit the gravel
- Dealing with the energy vampires
- Be productive
- Your trajectory is more important than where you are at any point in time
- Forgive
- Even when the last thing you want to do is to forgive
- Forgive 360
- Stop abusing your imagination with delusions of grandeur and delusions of disaster
- Stop procrastinating
- Create something knowing there are no guarantees
- Get started
- Lost causes are only really lost when you stop fighting for them
- What doesn’t kill you…
- Expect a miracle